A Teaspoon of the Ocean

Posted by on 7:06 am in Uncategorized | 0 comments

A few weeks ago, I pulled an old favorite off the top shelf of the reading cove. Just seeing the the dark blue binding and embossed gold letters causes my heart to stir. Books are among the best of old friends. Shrieks of delight from the kids met me when I arrived at the bottom of the stairs carrying it. I read the whole series to Cohen when he was four, which now seems unbelievable to me. The only more unbelievable thing is the great detail with which is recalls the storyline and characters. I have had to develop a look to silence him when...

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Parents, It Is Time To Put on Your Big Girl/Boy Panties (the reality of parenting and sexual abuse)

Posted by on 9:26 pm in Church, writing | 4 comments

I haven’t written a blog post in such a long time that I was not sure I could even remember my login. There are plenty of reasons why I haven’t written but it mainly boils down to the following two: I spend my days with five young children who for some reason just won’t allow me an hour or two to sit with a laptop (or, some days 5 minutes alone in the bathroom) and we had been living in small borrowed spaces or with family for nearly 6 months. Even though I am now sitting in David and I’s office facing a wall full of...

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The Scandal of God With Us

Posted by on 9:44 am in adoption, Christianity, introspection, thoughts on Christianity, writing | 2 comments

I sat cross legged in the middle of the stately queen bed in the room she’s temporarily calling her own. She sat across from me, back against the headboard, legs in a lazy frog pose. Occasionally, she would stretch one out and touch my feet, though her feet were buried under the covers and mine not. When acknowledged, her leg would spring back as if the stretching out had only been an unintentional reflex. Learning not to look meant her toes would flex against my foot, only the blanket between, and it would linger there a moment longer....

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A Gingerbread Man Full of Words and an Ocean of Peace

Posted by on 9:30 am in Uncategorized | 1 comment

After a particularly gut-level session with my counselor a few weeks ago and then a subsequent gut-level conversation with my husband, an image took shape in my mind. It is a picture of me. Well, a picture of me if I were a two dimensional black and white drawing of a gingerbread man. I can say gingerbread man because other than the unmistakable cookie cutter shape, the picture has no distinguishing marks. I have no eyes or ears or mouth or hair. Well, at least not that I have noticed. But maybe I haven’t noticed because that flat,...

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Still Water in Exchange for a Dormant Volcano

Posted by on 12:02 am in adoption, Christianity, Church, Family, healthier living, introspection, Marriage, prayer, thoughts on Christianity, writing | 9 comments

I came down the stairs and I could hear the blood pumping in my ears. Frustration was squeezing my chest and tiredness had wrung every last drop of energy from my soul. Precisely because I’m not much of a crier, I can feel the exact moment I know my body is caving into emotion. I sat at the dining room table, crossed my legs on the pub height chair and bit my lip. It was after 10pm and I was putting out fire #9879 of the day and on the verge of  faltering behind the chicken line. I looked down at my phone. I took a deep breath, wrote a...

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Entering the REST of GOD

Posted by on 12:35 pm in Christianity, healthier living, thoughts on Christianity, writing | 4 comments

The story of creation is one we have numerous times.  “On the ______day, God created ______ …and He saw that it was good.” From day one to day six, that is the pattern. But on the seventh day God “rested”. Moses was given the 10 Commandments and the people of God were told remember the Sabbath day and to keep it holy. Why? God “rested” after His “work” and set a pattern we are to emulate.   Our long Ohio winter has finally melted away and before long spring will give way to summer. Seasons change. Flowers bud and bloom and when the...

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Identity and Vision Casting at Bedtime

Posted by on 8:04 am in adoption, thoughts on Christianity, writing | 2 comments

Growing up, my family didn’t have a lot of traditions. There was a lot of fluctuation in even the number of family members (due to foster care, etc) so more things changed than remained the same. There are two things that happened every year without fail, no matter what kind of transition we were experiencing. Thanksgiving was the one time each year we got together with as many of my mom’s seven siblings and their children as were able. Usually it was a two day event, complete with flag football (with jerseys!), guitars and hymns...

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Sneaking Suspicions about God (oh, and FYI: apples don’t grow on pears trees)

Posted by on 1:04 am in adoption, Christianity, Family, Kacey, thoughts on Christianity, writing | 3 comments

She was sipping on a blend of passion tea and lemonade, making slightly sour expressions after every sip. She wanted it sweetened and she wasn’t going to let me forget that my saying no meant she had to pucker. I had moved the comfy chairs so we were facing each other with our knees touching. We broke the conversation for a moment to watch the “baby” birds hop along edges of the concrete patio. I said they were probably looking for worms since it had rained. She told me about seeing worms in the street one time. One of the...

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Breadcrumbs on an Unmarked Path

Posted by on 3:00 pm in adoption, Christianity, Family, thoughts on Christianity, writing | 10 comments

As a parent, it is easy to get frustrated with repeated bad behavior and consequently see things through an uncalibrated lens; a lens that identifies everything as either “all good” or “all bad”. Few things are that simple but boy isn’t it tempting to gives labels and try to stuff things into one of those ill-suited categories? Kacey and I had a one of those very bad school days that my homeschooling friends will best understand. There was so much whining and arguing and crying I thought I’d pull my hair...

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Rivers and Fires and Knocking Knees

Posted by on 10:52 am in Uncategorized | 6 comments

You know you are experiencing a stretching time in your life when even writing about it requires a deep breath and an internal pep talk.   Last October was a whirlwind of activity in our family. The girls moved in with us, our adoption facilitator was in from California, we were meeting with attorneys and other professionals frequently. And frankly, we were living on the edge emotionally as we waited for a court date two months in the future. It was in the middle of that tremendously uncertain time in our lives that God planted us in a...

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