Oh for the silliness (4 funny stories)

I woke up this morning trying hard to hold onto a ridiculous dream- ever done that? It is fading, so I am going to try to get it down.

I was with a group of ladies – some friends in real life (sister Beck, Bethny, & realtor Bryn) and others TV personalities (Melissa from Biggest Loser and the Patti from the Millionaire Matchmaker (not that I would ever watch it (EVER- so don’t judge me ;) ))) So we’re fighting with a group of guys (none of whom I can remember) and we decide to play a prank on them. Somehow in the dream, it was uber funny and clever though in awake life its kind of sinister- blame it on Melissa.

We chartered a small plane and somehow in the teeny tiny Bellefontaine airport like 20 planes were taking off at once…I have never actually been there, but in my dream it was a cornfield with planes like I have seen from the Wright brothers era… anyone know how close that is to the truth? Anyway, our idea was to pretend one of us had died. So we made one of the girls hide from sight and in her stead we hung from one of the feet of the helicopter-ish plane this fake dead girl. Now, the fake dead girl was a rainbow colored sponge (life size) that looked just like the traditional cookie-cutter shape. And we were all high-fiving one another because of how clever we were and how it was going to really trick them.

And of course it did. Because it was a dream. Dreams are like that.

I probably just lost half my readership with that… What is up with Kate McDonald!?!? Here I thought she liked to write about Jesus and all, but what is going on in her subconscious is just plain freaky…. Can’t you just hear it?

If you are one of those dream interpreters- DON’T.

So, moving on….
Yesterday I drank so much water that in the evening, I kept wondering if I had drank too much and was going to hurt myself because that can happen. I didn’t feel well this weekend and yesterday I was battling a headache and general body aches left over from not feeling well.

So I had two solutions: water and massage.

My grandparents got me a massage for my birthday and so after I had dropped Cohen off, I called and made an appointment with the lady for 2p. I cleaned my new house so that my Pap and my brother Ben will have a clean workspace on Friday when they finish leveling the floors downstairs. There is nothing like the DUST that comes from renovating! I moved tools, sorted wood and nails, separated the extension cords, and swept the downstairs.. about three times and I feel like I could have swept forever and never be done. There is going to be extreme satisfaction in the next few weeks as we cover it up with new hardwood flooring and dry wall- blessed dry wall.

After that I got the clippers and started trimming my wild yard. I wanted to use the chainsaw, but yesterday I just could not keep the chain on that thing. I’d cut a tree or two and then the chain would come off…this happened over and over again until I decided rather than start cussing, I would just use the clippers. Sometimes it is just not worth it.

I hopped in my car around noon, exhausted and feeling like someone barely over the flu. I took one look at myself in the car mirror and just started laughing. If I had a camera handy I would have taken a photo- I swear. I had twigs sticking out of my hair everywhere (it looked like a nest) from bending down under bushes to cut them and my face had so much mud on it that I looked like I were to be in a play playing a woman twice my age… oh the lines! the lines where the mud had cracked on my face and the dust in my hair made it almost a gray color.

I didn’t have a camera, so instead I drove through the McDonald’s drive thru and got a coffee.
Someone needed to see this.
Oh, friends, you should have seen the look on the girl’s face when I pulled around to get that black coffee.
And I didn’t explain.a.thing.
Now that’s a prank, Subconscious!

I went home, de-twigged, and got a shower. I drove to home where the lady does massage. She was nice. It is pretty funny to compare my massage experiences in the last few years. Shall we?

Seattle: trendy top floor suite downtown
Ohio: someone’s house, middle of nowhere

Seattle: views of the city while you wait
Ohio: cornfields while you wait

Seattle: zen decor
Ohio: birds, all things country

Seattle: soft music floating through the air, coming from who knows where
Ohio: cd player on a desk

Seattle: beautiful receptionist
Ohio: the dog

Seattle: the softest robe you’ve ever worn
Ohio: your own clothes

Seattle: herbal tea blends
Ohio: juice from someone’s blender

Seattle: private room with 9′ ceilings, zen to the max
Ohio: a converted bedroom

Seattle: the best looking person ever is massaging you
Ohio: your grandma is massaging you

Seattle: you never have to see this person outside of this setting
Ohio: this person knows everyone in your family

*GRIN* So I was met by the dog and led into the converted bathroom where the cd player was playing some nature cd (I kept wondering, are those really birds chirping? or is it the music?). I got down to my skivvies and had an AMAZING 90 minute massage complete with a paraffin treatment for the hands and feet. It was delightful! Thanks Grandma and Grandpa… I couldn’t have liked it more in any other setting!

After my massage was done, she made me a fruit drink in her blender and we sat at her kitchen table and talked about life. It occurred to me at some point that she might be a little lonely, that I might not be able to leave without her feeding me supper, and that perhaps Jesus wanted it just that way. So we talked about parenthood, how to make hummus, the local Amish store and natural food store that is for sale, and when I could work him in, Jesus.

I will be going back…after all…

Seattle: hundreds of dollars
Ohio: $40 for the whole two hours

and..

Seattle: no time to talk
Ohio: time to talk about Jesus

I left her house an hour after the massage was done and went to the Amish Store to buy seeds for my garden. I like to just wander in that store…I sometimes wish I could be half Amish… all of the good food and old ways of doing things and the slow pace of life BUT someone get me the internet! You know?

So I got out without buying everything in the place (so tempted) and got in my car. I rolled down the car windows to enjoy the breeze and decided to just drive for awhile. After driving awhile, I realized I was on the road where one of the local farms I found online exists. So I started looking for it. The road was wooded, so I saw a few potential driveways and pulled in- anything growing? greenhouses? nope. On the third try I saw several buildings and greenhouses and one plot of ground with tiny shoots coming out of the ground- this was it!

I pulled into the drive and slowly started back- now was this also a private residence? I wasn’t sure. So I went slow and then I saw someone down the drive. She looked up at me so I kept going. But then she started to move away from the drive and started to confer with another person. I slowed to a stop. Maybe I should just leave. But I was half way back the drive. I told myself they advertise online, after all, I can’t be the first person to stop by. Plus I was all jazzed about my seeds and my garden and for a second I thought to myself how excited they might be that I want to buy local and all of that. So with that thought in my head, I pulled confidently forward and rolled my window down. “Is this_____?” She nodded nervously. I got out. I told them I had found them online, that I am going to garden, and that there are things I want to buy local. The guy walked away and she said that the website says they sell at the farmers market and she told me when that was.

Driving away, I kept trying to figure it out… I mean, I drive a Honda Accord wagon with a car seat in the back. My windows aren’t tinted and I am not shady. I mean with my hair in a ponytail, sweats, tennis shoes and no make up, I look about twelve. What was there to be nervous about? It wasn’t even dusk yet- what was the deal?

Maybe they are just reclusive people? You’ll have that, you know.

I recounted the story to my mom later who giggled the whole time I told it. When I had finished, I was annoyed.
“WHAT?!?”
“You really don’t know?” she asked. She loves to know something I don’t.
“No- what?”
She hesitated- and then burst into laughter again. Annoying times four.
“C’mon on, Mom…seriously…what?”
“They are real selective who they let on their property, if you know what I mean,” she said with a wink.
“Yea I caught that…” I said slowly, still obviously not getting it “…but they advertise online with an eating local website…”
“Oh sure… they grow local and they sell localGROW and SELL… you know what I mean?” she said with all kinds of emphasis, giggling and winking.

Oooohhhh…..

OOOOOHHH…

Got it.

Wink, wink, nudge, nudge… so here’s to wishing you all a lovely, silly, funny, joyful, laughter filled day…

4 Comments

  1. Too funny, Kate. I totally hear you about holding onto a crazy dream…your cast of characters cracked me up. Melissa would def be the one to head up that prank. :D

    Oh, and I’m glad those “farmers” did not try to sell you some seeds…

  2. oh this post was hilarious! just what i needed to read this morning! happy wednesday!

  3. i had to read that ending 3 times to get it…..and i’m a girl from queens, ny!

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